I feel like twitter was meant to be "short timely" blogs or ideas. Now that they're status updates, and I'm guilty of using tweets as such ever so often, I try to put an idea in my tweets. Here's a few for kicks.
If I was in possession of hay, I would literally be hitting it in this moment.
My aspiration was to get my last name to verb status, like Trump. Just realized my surname is a verb meaning to repeat. I need a new dream.
Bed bath & beyond does have bed and bath, but after reading this week's flyer I'm pretty sure its mostly beyond.
Snider plaza. 5 hours of live music is excessive. Neither my naps or walls are sound proof.
so is porn like "How its Made: Babies Edition?"
I need to get some amish bikinis soon. And by amish bikinis I mean turtlenecks.
Daylight savings time gives me a reason to waste 1 hour. Thanks Benjamin Franklin, for the incentive to waste time by saving it.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Christmas.
The following is a ficticous christmas newsletter from a family that could exist. Theoretically.
Dear, Everyone
This year, we moved into a new house, which is assuredly bigger than yours.
Our kid is the smartest
most athletic
attractive
individual in our
small
closed community.
Our dog is popular too. Just so you know.
We would have made this correspondence rhyme, but our rhyming concordance was lost in the move, and the kindle didn't have enough space to download an entire dictionary.
Have a blessed year,
"That" family.
Dear, Everyone
This year, we moved into a new house, which is assuredly bigger than yours.
Our kid is the smartest
most athletic
attractive
individual in our
small
closed community.
Our dog is popular too. Just so you know.
We would have made this correspondence rhyme, but our rhyming concordance was lost in the move, and the kindle didn't have enough space to download an entire dictionary.
Have a blessed year,
"That" family.
paradox.
Life is a big ole paradox.
I don't want to grow up. I don't want to stay young.
I want to live in the future
I want to live in the past.
I have to live in the present.
I desire things I can't see but I exist with the tangible.
I plan it all yet have no control.
The good news: I'm alive and ready for the only thing I'm guaranteed. Change.
I don't want to grow up. I don't want to stay young.
I want to live in the future
I want to live in the past.
I have to live in the present.
I desire things I can't see but I exist with the tangible.
I plan it all yet have no control.
The good news: I'm alive and ready for the only thing I'm guaranteed. Change.
anthropomorphic.
Parrott: court reporter.
Raccoon: McDonalds hamburgler.
Pigeon: door to door salesman.
Snake: Slick. Liar. So a used car salesman.
Sloth: homeless.
Praying mantis: priest.
Cat: the neighborhood nuisance.
Snail: Marshele, wait, I mean Marcele. (That's not the first time I've done that.)
Dog: the happy sexy fireman that everybody loves, want to be friends with, and secretly wants to be. (Does this character exist in real life?)
passion.
One translation of our political system reveals that it was built upon a realization that humans act upon self-interest. With that understanding, Madison and the other founders built the government to protect others against individual’s passions.
While government has worked decently in the past 200 years or so, I’m not sure if it can stand against these passions.
Phil Davidson: Stark County Treasurer. Never has a man been so “fired up” over simple math and balancing the budget of Stark County Ohio. Did he “fire something up” before making this speech? Most likely. (See what I did there?)
1.) He has a masters degree in communication (clearly) and he is not afraid to yell it at a group of citizens who miraculously showed up for a debate among candidates for the COUNTY. Less than 10% of Americans pay attention to county level politics, and I'm pretty sure Stark County now has 0%. (Or maybe Mr. Davidson is the new entertainment- 87% turn out next year?)
2.) I'm not exactly sure what he is angry about. Is there a lot of corruption in the middle of Ohio?
3.) I keep expecting him to yell "This is Sparta! STARK COUNTY!"
Jimmy McMillan: candidate for New York Governor. Potentially one of my favorite politicians of all time.
History Making Quote: "As a karate expert I will not talk about anyone up here because our children cannot live anywhere. Nowhere. There's no where to go. Why? You said it. The rent is too damn high."
Is there anything better than a handle bar mustache, leather gloves, and nonsensical sentences? I didn't think so.
Although they have provided a large majority of my entertainment the past week, I only hope that our system has the checks and balances to prevent whatever may stem from these passionate individuals.
While government has worked decently in the past 200 years or so, I’m not sure if it can stand against these passions.
Phil Davidson: Stark County Treasurer. Never has a man been so “fired up” over simple math and balancing the budget of Stark County Ohio. Did he “fire something up” before making this speech? Most likely. (See what I did there?)
1.) He has a masters degree in communication (clearly) and he is not afraid to yell it at a group of citizens who miraculously showed up for a debate among candidates for the COUNTY. Less than 10% of Americans pay attention to county level politics, and I'm pretty sure Stark County now has 0%. (Or maybe Mr. Davidson is the new entertainment- 87% turn out next year?)
2.) I'm not exactly sure what he is angry about. Is there a lot of corruption in the middle of Ohio?
3.) I keep expecting him to yell "This is Sparta! STARK COUNTY!"
Jimmy McMillan: candidate for New York Governor. Potentially one of my favorite politicians of all time.
History Making Quote: "As a karate expert I will not talk about anyone up here because our children cannot live anywhere. Nowhere. There's no where to go. Why? You said it. The rent is too damn high."
Is there anything better than a handle bar mustache, leather gloves, and nonsensical sentences? I didn't think so.
Although they have provided a large majority of my entertainment the past week, I only hope that our system has the checks and balances to prevent whatever may stem from these passionate individuals.
awkward.
It's almost Christmas time. Which means in the marketing world its time to overlook the accomplishments of the Pilgrims in order to sell more crap to people who more than likely can't afford it and or don't need it.
Today they lit the tree in Snider Plaza. They shipped in ice for a children's toboggan station and lit the tree in conjunction with a fireworks display. I'm pretty sure someone (strategically placed cough-University Park) got a sweet stimulus package this year.
As much as I love the holidays- they can really be weird. My family is weird. I feel like all the black sheep of the universe migrated to my family. The more I think about it, who doesn't have a weird family? Could you imagine if everybody were honest with each other? It would probably get a little weird.
Today they lit the tree in Snider Plaza. They shipped in ice for a children's toboggan station and lit the tree in conjunction with a fireworks display. I'm pretty sure someone (strategically placed cough-University Park) got a sweet stimulus package this year.
As much as I love the holidays- they can really be weird. My family is weird. I feel like all the black sheep of the universe migrated to my family. The more I think about it, who doesn't have a weird family? Could you imagine if everybody were honest with each other? It would probably get a little weird.
No. I do not like your plastic surgery.
Wait. Which husband are you talking about. The 6th or the 7th?
We'll leave it at that, I'm not going to take this too far. But the band "Bears" did. And yea though I am typically a proponent of positivity, I kind of like it.
"To all the people we hate, have a terrible year." That's gumption right there.
** NOTE: during Thanksgiving it was really awkward so my mom decided to show off my blog on the iPad. Yes. My entire family read this post. Karma's a bitch**
monologues.
Every time I see an acquaintance walking towards me on the Boulevard I 1.) get excited to see them and 2.) ask them hows it going? Inevitably I get the same answer from everyone. "Fine". And I give the same answer too.
Out of hundreds upon thousands of adjectives and verbs and responses I could give I just say fine, they just say fine. You probably just say fine.
Do we really have connections with one another or do we just live parallel to eachother's fine lives? I think we just have two way monologues.
Out of hundreds upon thousands of adjectives and verbs and responses I could give I just say fine, they just say fine. You probably just say fine.
Do we really have connections with one another or do we just live parallel to eachother's fine lives? I think we just have two way monologues.
snow.
Depending upon which one you look at, negative and positive space often times create very different pictures. Every situation in life can be dealt with in the same way. Its all a matter of perspective.
What may be a child's freedom can be an adults warden. Snow.
socks.
You know that video called "Scarlet Takes a Tumble"? That video has been my life these past months. Well the only difference is that I wasn't acapella kareoke-ing on top of an insecure table. I've fallen down the stairs three times since October. To be fair to me, the first two were basically on the same downhill run. (I fell down half the stairs, collected my thoughts-not long enough, and then fell down the rest of them).
At first I thought it was all on me. I thought I was getting clumsy and just needed to watch my step. But the third time, in which the stairs were extremely wooden, I was getting fed up with Newton and his gravity. I pulled my fake detective pipe out of the drawer and got to ciphering what could be causing me to fall down the stairs. Aha. Socks. My socks were slippery.
I felt better knowing what the culprit of my near death accidents were, but it also prompted me to think who the hell would make slippery socks. Its the same person who put the slippery bananas all over the track in the original MarioKart. (Yep, thats vintage 1998). Its the same person who makes over dyed blue jeans that stain your hands and legs a deathly blue. Its the same person who created the breaking system for the Toyota Prius. The simple fact is that one person created all of these nuisances, and in some cases life threatening conditions. That person is "the man" and to be politically correct, it could also be "the woman." As humans, we must fight back. I fight through laughter. I fight by washing my jeans multiple times. I fight by not driving in front of a Toyota Prius.
We can all fight the wo/man. Through positivity. And by throwing out slippery socks.
And in some cases not singing on top of tables that might need more than four legs to stay upright.
At first I thought it was all on me. I thought I was getting clumsy and just needed to watch my step. But the third time, in which the stairs were extremely wooden, I was getting fed up with Newton and his gravity. I pulled my fake detective pipe out of the drawer and got to ciphering what could be causing me to fall down the stairs. Aha. Socks. My socks were slippery.
I felt better knowing what the culprit of my near death accidents were, but it also prompted me to think who the hell would make slippery socks. Its the same person who put the slippery bananas all over the track in the original MarioKart. (Yep, thats vintage 1998). Its the same person who makes over dyed blue jeans that stain your hands and legs a deathly blue. Its the same person who created the breaking system for the Toyota Prius. The simple fact is that one person created all of these nuisances, and in some cases life threatening conditions. That person is "the man" and to be politically correct, it could also be "the woman." As humans, we must fight back. I fight through laughter. I fight by washing my jeans multiple times. I fight by not driving in front of a Toyota Prius.
We can all fight the wo/man. Through positivity. And by throwing out slippery socks.
And in some cases not singing on top of tables that might need more than four legs to stay upright.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
synchronize.
World peace. Its what most of the gorgeous women of the planet desire. And as I am one of them, I would like world peace as well. This is a complete cliche, but I really do want world peace. Do I ever think we will achieve such a lofty goal? No.
So thats that. Most people just do what they want. Individually we look for ways to express ourselves and be happy. But why not try to work towards world peace? Will it hurt? Probably not.
If our communities begin to display peace on a daily basis, eventually all the terrorists will give into peer pressure. Peace is the new black. Its just a thought.
While I feel like I'm writing propaganda brochures for Disney World right now, and the last idea is sarcastic, I do feel like we can all work towards peace. Individual actions influence others (not brainwashed by evil humans), and maybe one day we can all work together happily.
World Peace visual. Feast your earballs.
So thats that. Most people just do what they want. Individually we look for ways to express ourselves and be happy. But why not try to work towards world peace? Will it hurt? Probably not.
If our communities begin to display peace on a daily basis, eventually all the terrorists will give into peer pressure. Peace is the new black. Its just a thought.
While I feel like I'm writing propaganda brochures for Disney World right now, and the last idea is sarcastic, I do feel like we can all work towards peace. Individual actions influence others (not brainwashed by evil humans), and maybe one day we can all work together happily.
World Peace visual. Feast your earballs.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
luck.
It is 12:04 am right now, meaning I have survived 11/10/10, and am currently surviving 11/11/10. Here is a list of things that happened to me today:
Woke up late- 5:55 AM. Late for my run.
Shower: Mostly successful, however ran out of body wash, assumed shampoo would be adequate.
Breakfast: Burned toast, added extra jelly to make up for carcinogen. Incinerated tongue on too dark of coffee.
Second Breakfast: not sure what I ate from umph. It was sticky.
Mid morning: look at awesome running watch. Why is my arm all red. Oh, I’m having an allergic reaction to the metal on my watch. I’m a little annoyed, as I’ve become accustomed to telling the time using that watch.
Enrollment, 11AM: “error, please try again later”- access.smu.edu
Enrollment cont.: 11:30 AM, I’m taking 6 hours next semester, can’t get into any classes I need. Should be easy.
Email, high noon: we accepted 12, you’re 13.
Email, cont.: “please let me in your class, (followed by clever joke made about the name of the class)”- Christy Parrott
Class- bored to death. Professor said my pants looked like the kind communists would wear. Thank you? Note: kissed my 4.0 away between 2-4:30.
5 PM: Marketing research credits. Listen to 5 poorly made advertisements. Rate their generosity levels. (The last thing an ad has is generosity).
5:45- home. Make dinner. Broccoli, red bell pepper noodles. Set the noodles on fire, ate a head of broccoli. That was excessive.
8: 128. Good clean fun.
9:40 sharp- pick up friend, go to purchase coffee.
10:13 sharp- “Disregard Traffic Control Device” Flashing lights. Ticket. Suppression of my authority issues. Goodbye perfect record.
10:25- Made it to crooked tree. Incinerate tongue for the second time today.
Now: going to sleep with one eye open.
I’m pretty sure I was a Bernie Madoff figure in a previous life to get all this karma.
I've known for years that I have bad luck. But that also means I always have the best story to tell.
Woke up late- 5:55 AM. Late for my run.
Shower: Mostly successful, however ran out of body wash, assumed shampoo would be adequate.
Breakfast: Burned toast, added extra jelly to make up for carcinogen. Incinerated tongue on too dark of coffee.
Second Breakfast: not sure what I ate from umph. It was sticky.
Mid morning: look at awesome running watch. Why is my arm all red. Oh, I’m having an allergic reaction to the metal on my watch. I’m a little annoyed, as I’ve become accustomed to telling the time using that watch.
Enrollment, 11AM: “error, please try again later”- access.smu.edu
Enrollment cont.: 11:30 AM, I’m taking 6 hours next semester, can’t get into any classes I need. Should be easy.
Email, high noon: we accepted 12, you’re 13.
Email, cont.: “please let me in your class, (followed by clever joke made about the name of the class)”- Christy Parrott
Class- bored to death. Professor said my pants looked like the kind communists would wear. Thank you? Note: kissed my 4.0 away between 2-4:30.
5 PM: Marketing research credits. Listen to 5 poorly made advertisements. Rate their generosity levels. (The last thing an ad has is generosity).
5:45- home. Make dinner. Broccoli, red bell pepper noodles. Set the noodles on fire, ate a head of broccoli. That was excessive.
8: 128. Good clean fun.
9:40 sharp- pick up friend, go to purchase coffee.
10:13 sharp- “Disregard Traffic Control Device” Flashing lights. Ticket. Suppression of my authority issues. Goodbye perfect record.
10:25- Made it to crooked tree. Incinerate tongue for the second time today.
Now: going to sleep with one eye open.
I’m pretty sure I was a Bernie Madoff figure in a previous life to get all this karma.
I've known for years that I have bad luck. But that also means I always have the best story to tell.
Monday, November 8, 2010
average.
Today I applied to a class that focuses on Law, Politics and the Supreme Court. This honors course has an expenses paid research trip to the Library of Congress over spring break. I really wanted to do this. I'm not in the honors college. I knew it would be hard. Like really hard. I was supposed to find out if I was accepted by the end of today. Its 1:30 AM. The end of the day was approximately an hour and a half ago. So I'm pretty sure I didn't get in.
1.) I'm a little upset. What an amazing opportunity that would have been.
2.) Why was I upset? Did somebody doubt my intelligence? Would people have viewed me as "exceptional" if I was to go on such a trip? Am I average now?
MLIA. My life is average. Is that so bad? Everybody can't be exceptional at everything. So much of my drive to take the class was so I could do something exceptional. But you know what? I'm average. And thats great. It just opens up a door for something else in my life to become exceptional. And at least that door may hold something more interesting than law, politics and the Supreme Court.
The following is from mylifeisaverage.com:
Today, I flicked a little spider off my table, and as soon as I looked at it, it stopped running and played dead. Then when I went down to finish the job, it ran away. How could I kill a creature THAT smart? MLIA
How can you not love being average?
1.) I'm a little upset. What an amazing opportunity that would have been.
2.) Why was I upset? Did somebody doubt my intelligence? Would people have viewed me as "exceptional" if I was to go on such a trip? Am I average now?
MLIA. My life is average. Is that so bad? Everybody can't be exceptional at everything. So much of my drive to take the class was so I could do something exceptional. But you know what? I'm average. And thats great. It just opens up a door for something else in my life to become exceptional. And at least that door may hold something more interesting than law, politics and the Supreme Court.
The following is from mylifeisaverage.com:
Today, I flicked a little spider off my table, and as soon as I looked at it, it stopped running and played dead. Then when I went down to finish the job, it ran away. How could I kill a creature THAT smart? MLIA
How can you not love being average?
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