perspective.

I was reading National Geographic, or as the popular people call it "nat geo", about seven years ago. In the back they had a question and answer section. I would flip through the magazine, look at the pictures, avoid the words, and then read this half a page Q&A section. The following is a Nat Geo fact:

At the horizon line the human eye can see for 7 miles with good conditions. 

My mom calls me to either A.) rant about politics and then hang up so I cannot share my viewpoint or B.) tell me about a metaphor she recently read. Clearly our conversations are extremely insightful. But here I am after all these years of metaphor conversation, I am using one. Quite a familial milestone I am crossing. 

For a human to see 7 miles, conditions must be good, for a human to reach success, and thusly see a full 7 miles it takes insight and perspective. Some of the most creative and intelligent people have this dose of this perspective. 

In my world politics book there was a map of the early colonization of the world. It adequately illustrates the necessity of perspective.

Its kind of hard to see from this map, but while other countries were scrambling for territory in the formidable years of empire, Denmark had some real perspective. They grabbed up Greenland and Iceland and put them in its little Danish pocket. 

Am I being sarcastic? Maybe a little, with relation to the industry that Denmark gained from this acquisition. But today I am sure that Denmark is hurting. Look at the remarkable people that come from the fair nation of Iceland. 

This is Jonsi, lead singer of Sigur Ros.

Yes, he wears 1.) body/ face glitter 2.) feathers behind his ears and 3.) ribbons off his arms.

He also happens to produce some swell music.

Secondly: Bjork

She has some curious taste. The unforgettable swan dress. Her music is, well, different. 

Thirdly and lastly, Magnús Scheving, who is an author, actor, athlete, and creator of the show Lazy Town.

Everything about this makes me very nervous.

Conclusion: yes perspective is good

no, Denmark may not have had that much in years past

yes, Icelanders have too much "indoors" time during winter

no, do not let your children watch Icelandic TV.

equations.

Statistics. I've never been particularly skilled at the subject. In fact I remember my classes pretty well. 8 AM, crazy professor who couldn't quite explain what statistics was without a book definition, lots of broken chalk due to a crazy hand grip and writing method. Great memories. Statistics however takes the least mathematic of subjects, humans, and crams them into formulas.

Bell curves and histograms and bar graphs and deviations. Simple representations of grandiose complex beings. How does it work? How can we reduce creatures into formulas?

Life isn't that simple. Actions and behaviors can't always translate into finite equations. Its not bad to make simple models, to try to predict behaviors, but we cannot boil down the experience of a lifetime into a standard formula.  There's too many variables. Slowly culture is standardizing variables to make one correct answer.

There is not one correct answer. We are not a collective whole. Everybody has a different conclusion, and experience is all about finding them.

I'm looking for mine. And I don't need a calculator.

ladder.

I walk by these stairs everyday. If I have to climb a ladder or stairs of success I pray this is my flight.

anticipation.

This Xmas tree is pretty swell.
And you could leave it up all
year and tell people its a
rocket ship.

For me, the best part of the holidays is anticipation. Actually for the most part of all holidays, except lent, anticipation is my favorite part. And I'm not Catholic or Lutheran so I don't really know why I celebrate lent. I usually give up something I'm allergic to, so I guess you know where my heart really lies. Right now I am anticipating Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love Christmas music. Charlie Brown is the bomb, Rudolph is all over that diversity thing, and McCauley Culkin, based on his weirdness factor, will probably always be Home Alone at Christmas.

Why is anticipation the best part? We get to imagine. We imagine situations, food, colors, and feelings. And at Christmas all of these senses are magnified to crazy awesome levels. I think that anticipation is really one of the only ways that Americans really dream and use imagination. Thats why we love it. But Christmas is coming soon. So you best get your imagination fired up.

The song "Christmas is Coming" by Blitzen Trapper is perfect for this imagination/anticipation phase. They really have a unique Christmas experience, including, but not limited to Donkey Kong, making love in stolen cars, and stained slacks. I couldn't find a video. But I found a free legal download for you, of a song I legally purchased the other day. Fantastic lyrics. Fantastic song. Fantastic its almost Christmas, but I still have a ton of work to do sentiment. Enjoy.

compromise.

I'm a political science major and I've been trying really hard to keep my inner geek reigned in so I don't write about something that bores you into a mind numbing oblivion. But its true. I am nerdy cool. I've been reading a lot of political theory of late, and everybody is rather extreme. I however find that extremities, aren't healthy for politics, (and largely should only be attached to the body).

Aristotle once said "Virtue is found in the middle." I agree. Based on the early writings and system of American government, we are a nation of compromise. Somehow, today each party has decided, we are right, everybody else is wrong. I will not even listen to, let alone consider what you think because you are either a donkey/elephant.  Compromise has vanished from the political sphere. And I guess that makes for better c-span.

Nobody is interminably correct. And not listening to others is not going to solve any of the current situations our nation finds itself in. We must find virtue through compromise.

Moderation is healthy. An individual cannot go to extremes and continue to be healthy. Moderation in eating and exercise is necessary, and it desperately needs to be applied to political thought. (And if you think about it, the moderate stance is in the middle of red and blue. Our color would be purple. Purple typically represents royalty. Moderates have a head start, historically we would be royalty. Just sayin') Ready, set, listen to other people and compromise. (This may not be the best use of the phrase, but I think its catchy.)

Smart dude with good style. I hear the Grecian trend is really blowing up next spring.

explosive.

Isn't it kind of fascinating that anything can take on a characteristic. This idea is kind of abstract, but hang with me for at least one more minute. Like a person can choose to be a style or genre or personality. And we can choose. While I know genre is usually used for music or literature, I think a human can be a genre too. While we, to a certain extent, really have no control on exactly who we are, we are born that way, I think its the coolest thing that we can choose. You can reinvent who you are, or clothe yourself with a different style. And at the end of the day, we're all basically the same. We're flesh, blood, and skeleton.

Look at music. Music can embody so many different feelings. Recently, much to the chagrin of my ear drums,  explosive music has been resonating with me. I don't know if you listen to Sleigh Bells, but you should. And you should also love it and dream about it when you sleep. This song is loud. So if you're in church or something don't click on this.



Do you know what is crazy awesome about this? The vocals and music are written by a school teacher. Can you imagine a parent teacher conference. "Well in my free time I write explosive rock music, and make sexually suggestive noises in most songs, and I also teach your children how to read." I love it.

 I love the fact that we can change, can you imagine how horrible life would be if we were forced to only be and live as one entity? There are 6 billion of us on the earth right now. And I am so thankful that I have the liberty and freedom to choose to do what I want. Maybe I will be explosive today. Or not.

lines.

We don't realize it, but our entire world is completely made up of lines. As any good art student would know, lines make up the pictures we see, the rooms in which we live, and everything that surrounds us. In fact they keep us from inappropriate traffic behavior, help us write efficiently on a page, and make up a significant amount of American frustration- lines at the DMV. While they do a lot, lines also make up some pretty useful "learning tools," if you will. Don't believe me? I copied down several that one of my professors uses. Get ready for your mind to be blown.

 

Explanation: "Relationship commitments break barriers of space and time.”

I thought: French bread with ants on it.

 

 Explanation: "The river ends."

I thought: math notation I am definitely not familiar with.

Explanation: "Community leads to greater fulfillment of self"

I thought: messed up symbol for male. Austin Powers would have a heart attack.

Explanation: "Let the inner light shine through."

I thought: if your fruit looks like this, either a 3 year old drew on it with sharpie, or you should definitely throw it out.

 Explanation: “Original intent v. organic and modern translation.”

I thought: out of control pound signs.

Explanation: "This is a treaty."

I thought: how in this world, or in any other does that represent a treaty?

Explanation: I think it says understandings. Too bad I don’t understand that handwriting.

I thought: I cannot believe this class is 3 hours long. I feel like I’m in prison with an older gentleman that stares at me making a fake laughing/ wheezing sound until I laugh at a joke he just made.

Who knew a simple line drawing could mean so much?

 

yield.

After repeatedly asking my dog to sit several hundred times, my mom requested that she yield. Grace immediately sat down. I think she reads the New King James version of the Bible.

legal?

I spent part of my summer in Colorado, where they just legalized medical marijuana. So basically if you get a hangnail, you should smoke some pot. The question remains, should we legalize the drug?

I have an answer: the pizzacone.

This is clearly the result of what had to be a night laced with narcotics. Next time these guys get high they can invent the pizza klondike. I mean with the garlic dipping sauce and toppings the possibilities are endless. Can you imagine a pizza drumstick? This is stupid. Here's how I see it:

1.) Tide is going to sell a ton of detergent now. I can't eat a regular piece of pizza without ruining my shirt, now put it in a dripping cone.

2.) Just like a a drum stick there is probably some exciting surprise at the bottom of this cone. Just like ice cream cones with a chocolate tip,  I was expecting some sort of sausage or cheese. What is actually at the bottom? Adult onset diabetes. Anticlimactic isn't it?

3.) How do you eat this? Just go for the pile of cheese, or the crust? I feel like it would collapse in my hand. Oh its great for traveling, get it to go. I can't imagine eating this while I'm driving. Hot oil all over my hands with a floppy cheese ball going everywhere- definitely conducive to safe driving. Its kind of like driving while eating a chipotle burrito- which is the same size as a newborn baby.

4.) How do you cook this?

While I admire the creativity and imagination that went into producing what is essentially a double dip of cholesterol, I would respect it more if it came naturally, not from narcotics.

Legalize it: probably a bad idea. Retract the probably- its a bad idea.

words.

This video is about John Wayne Gacy Jr., who sexually assaulted and murdered 27 young men, and subsequently buried them in the crawl space of his house.






"And in my best behavior, I'm really just like him. Look beneath the floor boards for secrets I have hid."

While I may not have brutally murdered 27 people, my tongue does not possess much delicacy. How many people have I murdered with my words and actions?

thought buffet.

I can't put together cohesive thoughts so I'm probably just going to blurt out whatever I am thinking.

I was using Irish Spring body wash tonight and as I was reading the label I found something curious. Irish Spring is for "healthy feeling skin." My skin isn't really healthy after I use this soap, it just feels that way. Thanks for your concern Irish Spring, the skin is the body's largest organ- and my skin will never be healthy thanks to your slacking soap; it will merely feel healthy.

Why does blogger have an "uncategorized" category. Labeling something as uncategorized defeats the purpose, by uncategorizing, you're categorizing.

Only the utmost for these teeth.

Are roundabouts all that efficient? Europeans got a lot of things right like oil companies, world war and dental care, but roundabouts mess up the suburban grid system that Americans seem to love. I guess they are a great place to put some superfluous art- especially modern sculptures. And If you like to incite anger in your fellow man and drive in circles it is the road structure for you. Maybe they're not all that bad.

rational.

I have developed a little iced coffee fetish. This is a problem because 1.) It is pre-sweetened, meaning it is undoubtedly filled with aspartame and sucralose- and will eventually deteriorate my body. 2.) This mixed with caffeine... probably not a great health choice. 3.) Its 7-11 coffee. Which brings me to the size of cups they sell.

Its idiotic. They sell a medium and a large. Really? Not a small and a large, but a medium and a large. But take their other liquid sizing into consideration- they sell the gulp, big gulp, super big gulp, and double gulp. For who exactly is 16 oz a gulp? That is ridiculous. At least these names are descriptive.

With Starbucks though, the sizing makes no sense whatsoever. Are you kidding me? Tall, grande and venti. Well I guess I'll take a venti because that sounds like a rational amount of liquid, right?

You know what, I think I'll stick with the medium and large.

ethic.

Just me. Mowing the lawn on a typical day. In heels.

I've gotten to the root of all of America's problems. Well maybe just a few. You may ask, "How did you discover such a solution?" Well, it all started when I was mowing the lawn. One day a week this summer I mowed lawns, which is a fairly lucrative business that also provides me with a swank farmers tan. Because all I do is push a lawnmower, I have ample time to think. About 3 weeks ago, two maids took a picture of me mowing. I of course posed for the picture like a retard. This event made me realize that lawn mowing, specifically the fact that most people pay a service to mow their lawn instead of doing it themselves, could possibly be at the root of every one (or some) of America's problems.

1.) Childhood obesity/ boredom/ overall laziness: send your child to fat/summer camp or make them push the mower. By making your child mow the lawn they exercise, watch a little less tv, and spend some time outdoors. Yes- it is hot, but they are spry, and need to understand that if they are ever stranded in a remote desert, they can and will survive. Its just a form of heat training. Bear Grylls does it, so its hip.

2.) Economic issues: Pay your kid to work in the yard. Teach your kid that hard work=money. Responsible credit is the way of the future. Unfortunately a growing number of people don't know the definition of "responsible".

3.) Allergies: Take your child out of their sterile environments. Breathe in some pollen infested air. Unless you're freakishly allergic to airborne pathogens, you'll be okay- and might even overcome a few allergies. And for those who live in the city, the smog/ chemical cloud will resurface your lungs. Its a win-win situation.

4.) Callus: If there is one thing I know, the lotion industry is suffering a serious decline. With some callused hands, we can turn things around for lotion producers. But if you don't want to be known as a pansy at say, a family reunion comprised mostly of 80+ year old farmers, skip the lotion. Callus is a sign of character. Just like when people describe the flaws in furniture- they somehow translate into character. That wooden desk that is so warped that the drawers won't open, its got too much character to handle.

I will keep thinking of ways lawn mowing solves complex global issues. But please use these ideas as character developers- and I don't mean the flaw kind of character. Mow your lawn!

superheros.

I’ve been thinking a little bit about superheros. I don’t know anything about them or their powers, but with the help of superhero database.com (yes, this is real) I’ve done a little research and have decided that the lesser known heros, are the “real” people we should be thanking.

1.) She-hulk: Her occupations are: lawyer, Magistra of the Living Tribunal. While I honestly have no idea what she does as “magistra of the living tribunal," I commend her for completing law school. That’s real persistance right there.

 2.) Juggernaut: Apparently he is 900 lbs. Can you imagine the crap he took in middle school? Also his parents clearly had access to a thesaurus and the WB’s Friday night smackdown. If anything screams abusive childhood, its a 900 lb boy whose name means bully.

3.) The Green Lantern: basically I have no idea what his powers are, but seriously, his name is the “green lantern”. If a kid wants to read a comic about anything, it must be the one that highlights light emitting devices prior to electricity.

I applaud these superheros, and the others for their fake powers and made up life scenarios. If there is anything the world needs right now, its a secondary imaginary world filled with more evil than our current one being fought by people with really messed up histories and powers that are almost always at one point used for evil. Thanks Marvel.

bear and bull.

I’ve been having to read about the economy of late and it is not my thing. While I was reading I started to think about the bear and bull market. Whoever developed this concept was stupid. But they went down in history. Well probably not- I don’t know their name and I’m not going to google them.

The epitome of maturity.

Why does bull mean the market is doing well? If there is one thing you don’t want to name or associate a positive market with is a word that usually followed with shit. And why the bull? Its not a particularly happy creature. Most of the time they’re persuaded into being gored by Spaniards with fancy red fabric. Not the most intuitive or clever animal. And really? That whole Merrill- Lynch statue. It certainly has two noticeably “prominent” features. So basically when our economy is “good” we associate it will a dull, unhappy and indecently exposed animal.

Now the bear. While they may not be the most embraceable of animals, they are certainly better than the bull. First you have endless cartoons of kind, friendly and helpful bears. Winnie the Pooh, Yogi, and Baloo (from the Jungle Book) are compassionate and helped little boys (Christopher Robin and Mowgli.) I’m not sure if the second characteristic is positive, it could however qualify them for status as a sex offender or Catholic Priest. Nonetheless, they are helpful. Speaking of helpful- look at Smoky the bear. He is protecting our Earth from forest fires politely and also fully dressed. By wearing pants, he is already more appropriate and professional than most of the deep south. Only he could pull off that hat.

I don’t know how the leaders of our fair nation don’t see it. The bear is clearly much more accurate representation of a strong market economy. Maybe Smokey can figure out how to save our economy. Maybe he’ll do something intelligent, like borrow trillions of dollars and throw it at forest fires, and then we can give park rangers who start the fires by burning old love letters a bonus. Thats it. Problem: solved.

authenticity.

I can't remember where I heard this, (I think maybe from a movie called Art & Copy) but its the concept that "The biggest risk you can take is to be authentic." Could that be more true?  So many people make decisions because they conform to what their surroundings have approved. What is the best example of this:

Have you ever seen a Barbie with an imperfection? Does Barbie ever come with scars or freckles? Okay her legs are so long that if she was flexible enough I'm pretty sure she could use them as a jump rope. While she has branched out to other activities other than managing her dream mansion from her pink limo, (she had a short and illustrious career at McDonalds before she opened her own pet grooming business) barbie fits into a plastic mold of conformism in every scenario. And I meant that very literally. While I guess somebody has to perfect, I'm so thankful I'm not.

I'm posting this like a week later: So I was reading a blog today, and did I ever find barbies who take risks.

A Boy George doll. Thats one definition of authenticity.

bird.

One of the most frightening experiences I've had is grocery shopping at the Kroger on Mockingbird and Greenville on a Sunday afternoon. There were people every where. I accidentally bumped into some guys shoulder and between the offensive words my mind refused to translate, I think he may have threatened to sue me. As a result I either do my grocery shopping early in the morning or late at night. Night grocering is much more relaxing than it sounds. The other morning I was selecting vegetables and I kept hearing chirps. Everywhere I went, little chirps followed, reverberating off an endless assortment of colorful boxes. I looked up and a little chi-chi bird was staring down at me from the rafters, seemingly pleading for my help in its quest for escape. 

This bird could only focus on one thing. The sliding doors at the front of the store. If only he looked around. Is there a better place for a bird to be? Every fruit and vegetable at his talon-tips, even birdseed. No offense to Weiden and Kennedy, but could you really get a better nest than cotton candy? 

Everyone narrows their focus on one thing. We miss so much by not looking around, and taking advantage of what we have at our finger tips (thank God we don't have talons). We are all birds in a grocery store, missing the colorful rows of boxes, that in all actuality will clog our arteries and cause diabetes. Scratch that. We are all birds in a Barnes and Noble. Look around. 

Maybe we shouldn't let birds into a bookstore.