ethic.

Just me. Mowing the lawn on a typical day. In heels.

I've gotten to the root of all of America's problems. Well maybe just a few. You may ask, "How did you discover such a solution?" Well, it all started when I was mowing the lawn. One day a week this summer I mowed lawns, which is a fairly lucrative business that also provides me with a swank farmers tan. Because all I do is push a lawnmower, I have ample time to think. About 3 weeks ago, two maids took a picture of me mowing. I of course posed for the picture like a retard. This event made me realize that lawn mowing, specifically the fact that most people pay a service to mow their lawn instead of doing it themselves, could possibly be at the root of every one (or some) of America's problems.

1.) Childhood obesity/ boredom/ overall laziness: send your child to fat/summer camp or make them push the mower. By making your child mow the lawn they exercise, watch a little less tv, and spend some time outdoors. Yes- it is hot, but they are spry, and need to understand that if they are ever stranded in a remote desert, they can and will survive. Its just a form of heat training. Bear Grylls does it, so its hip.

2.) Economic issues: Pay your kid to work in the yard. Teach your kid that hard work=money. Responsible credit is the way of the future. Unfortunately a growing number of people don't know the definition of "responsible".

3.) Allergies: Take your child out of their sterile environments. Breathe in some pollen infested air. Unless you're freakishly allergic to airborne pathogens, you'll be okay- and might even overcome a few allergies. And for those who live in the city, the smog/ chemical cloud will resurface your lungs. Its a win-win situation.

4.) Callus: If there is one thing I know, the lotion industry is suffering a serious decline. With some callused hands, we can turn things around for lotion producers. But if you don't want to be known as a pansy at say, a family reunion comprised mostly of 80+ year old farmers, skip the lotion. Callus is a sign of character. Just like when people describe the flaws in furniture- they somehow translate into character. That wooden desk that is so warped that the drawers won't open, its got too much character to handle.

I will keep thinking of ways lawn mowing solves complex global issues. But please use these ideas as character developers- and I don't mean the flaw kind of character. Mow your lawn!